Monday, 28 May 2012

The Best Thing I've Ever Done - The Skydive

I think i've gone on and on and on about it and if you're friends with me on Facebook you'll prob be relieved that i've finally done my Skydive and i will not be filling your news feed anymore with my Justgiving links (lol).

Lungs are you ready to jump! Yes they were, my two weeks IV's pre the Skydive turned out a top lung function of 1.2 litres FEV1 46%, the highest number i remember in years prob at least 10years, so my lungs seriously kicking some CF but at the moment, it's about time and perfect timing for our big day.  The thing i was most worried about was been able to breathe.  But i hoped with my lungs been in top condition i'd be ok.

All week i'd be so excited telling everyone i met i was doing a skydive on Saturday, even my lovely friend Sammie who now does my nails had a little Skydive challenge to do, i wanted Skydive nails, lol! N she did them fab, i loved them xx :) She so amazing at doing nails xx

The day started with a 6am alarm call and a very tired Joey crawling out of bed to sit on my little stool, putting my face on and straightening my hair, half asleep! No excitement, no stress just numb! I soon woke up and was ready for 7 to hit the road to Nottingham.  Langar Airfield is about 1hr 15 mins from my house and we had to be there by 8.30am to book in.  I was there at 8.25 and as i was organising it for 19 other people too, was soon into organisation mode, giving out T.Shirts etc, collecting sponsorship money and telling everyone where they had to go! So i was one of the last people of our group to book in with my mum and Ula.  The three of us wanted to dive together.

My next job was to set up my cake stall, i had to call my lovely grandma n grandad into the rescue to run it for me, they had made me 50 little cakes, so had Emma's mum, my mum and Pip.  We sold them for 50p a cake! We made £72 on little stall so thanks to everyone who made them and bought them.

I seem to be very lucky with the days i've picked last two years for skydive, beautiful sunshine and everyone had a lovely day sunbathing and chilling whilst waiting for there name to be called and was great for all the people who came to watch too, i told everyone this year to bring deck and camping chairs and blankets and suncream.

What a beautiful week it's been and i'm so glad sunshine lasted over weekend to make another perfect day for skydiving, the wind got a little bit choppy though and they said they might have to cancel late afternoon but luckily we were ok.

I love watching everyone jump and seeing them come down and land then have the biggest smile on there faces, no one can describe the feeling and me i can't describe it either, i just loved every minute of it once i was actually out the plane.  i'd spent the whole day organising running around and speaking to everyone the reality that i was actually doing it myself didn't really set in till i started to get changed.  

I had such a lovely instructor, i told him i had CF and i was little scared of not being able to breath when i jumped out, he was like thats fine, just stay calm and if u feel urself struggle just shout anything out! it will make ur breathing better.

Before we walked to the plane!! :)
I had paid for the video so i had a camera man with me, so getting on plane we had to keep pausing to give a big wave etc, then on the plane every now in then i'd have a camera in my face, now i know how everyone else around me feels, being camera queen i'm always shoving my camera in peoples faces, hee hee but hey who always has best piccies after a day out, me!!! :) So this guy had better be good, it maybe his day job but camera queen is my title. lol  I have watched my video its funny and you can watch it at the end of my blog!! :) Something to look forward to hey after my babbling xx lol
On the plane i start to brick it, reality set in that i was about to really jump out of a plane, my instructor kept running through little things with me, he'd say "what's the position for when we jump out" i'd cross my arms over my chest, and say i had to bend my knees out the plane to try n kick his bum! lol! Then when he taps me on shoulder i can move my arms to freefall position, and landing i had to put my hand under my knees and pull my legs up as high as i could! All sound like simple instructions but i swear no matter how many times they went through them with me, they'd go into my head and out two seconds later.

U can tell from my face on this photo, i'm scared, shitless now!! lol xx But still no questions in my mind, i was going to do it and although i was scared i was also so excited.

At 10,000 ft, we had to put the horrible hat on, really not a fashion accessory, the suit had already turned me into fat little joey! So the hat and delightful goggles i'm sure made my little face a little chunky! :) He ran through everything with me again an told me after singles jumpers we' be first out of the Tandems's! Argh!

In my own head i was like just listen to everything he says and nothing will go wrong, In front of me sat on the plane there were about 4 single divers and couple of camera men, when the doors opened, my instructor said to, right we're first out, lets show your mum and friend we're confident and ready to go! My heart was pounding, i took a few deep breaths n slowed my breathing down.  Within the space of about 5 seconds the 4 singles divers walked to the door and just fell out!

Then it was my turn, all that was going round in my head was "oh shit oh shit oh shit, i'm actually gonna jump out of this thing".  Next i was hanging out the door, i hoped to be able to turn, wave to mum n Ula and shout love you, but no chance of that, my instructor was sit on the edge of the plane, i was hanging and i mean just hanging between his legs, i tried to give a lil wave to camera man who was standing on the edge holding on to a rail, there wasn't even a 1,2,3 go! We just suddenly went!

Now at this point, me, yes me, is lost for words, there are no words to describe the feeling of freefalling, we were at around 13,000 ft, 2.5 miles i think he said! We freefalled for about 40 seconds, my mouth went so dry and i swear on video i'm like smacking my lips together!! ha ha!! :) I kept wanting to laugh but that impossible when ur cheeks a wobbling, i kept trying to pull my hamster cheek smile but i could close my mouth, ur don't really have much control whilst ur freefalling xx

The camera man was at first freefalling right below me, i kept trying to wave, but my arms were kinda flapping around, then the camera man disappeared, seems he was filming me from above, then suddenly he popped back in front me, then we opened the parachute, that prob the strangest bit, u can get yanked backwards, as we went up abit because the parachute opened, the camera man just dropped to like a dot in front of my eyes, i went to scream "Nnnnnnoooooooo!!!! See him just drop was scary, but i soon forgot about him, we were floating around and the views were amazing.  The camera apparently opens his parachute a few thousand feet below so as the parachute don't tangle!

Once we were gliding around my first thoughts were did my mum n Ula jump, i could see my mum, she was actually just below me, and then he twirled me round abit so i could see Ula, she was below me too, even though i jumped first, the weight meant they were below me, so i could see them spinning around and floating and then i watched them land safely all whilst i was still floating around.

He let me hold on to the controls and then we pulled down on one side and was spinning around to left, then pulled the other way and was spinning to the right!! It was ace, i think as i was actually able to scream them i let a few "wwwwooooohhhhhhooooooo's"!

Then it was time for landing, i lifted my legs as high as i could, i've realised for a tiny little one i'n really that flexible, or maybe it was my fat suit or short arms! But landing was fine, landed on my bum, straight away instructor tried get my helmet off, he said the camera man coming , then i scrambled to my feet, and was talking to camera, i told him i wanted get my nails on camera, that Sammie had done me and when we hit the ground he remembered, hee hee!! :) x I've loved my nails all week! They were ace! :)

Then he gathered up parachute and we walked accross the field, i was so excited, he actually asked me what i'd been most worried about, i said in true joey form "shitting myself" lol! Then i explained to poor guy i had been on ivs my bowels were like water and i'd taken 4 lots of diarrhea tablets, he laughed at me and said thank you for taking the tablets, but then told me people had actually wee'd on him before! lol xx

Then i got across to my dad i had some photos taken, i was so excited and happy, it's a feeling i didn't want to go away, Ula was absolutely buzzing, hugging Bones and thanking him, lol and chattering away to everyone n anyone.  lol.  Mum had to go get suit off cuz her harness was digging in her, she ha been up with the guy i call Banana Man, who actually remembered me from last year, which was nice, considering i didn't jump i just ran around taking photos of everyone! :) xx but he did jump with Steve last time, he was the one guy i didn't wanna go up with cuz he so tall u wouldn't even see me!! ha ha!

All in all it was a fabulous day, the weather was perfect, everyone was able to sunbathe and relax whilst waiting and watching everyone jump! It was a great bunch of people i got together and they put loads effort into fundraising and i've spent yesterday counting up the money so far that people have handed in!

Me my fundraising went absolutely amazing, i was so lucky to such generous friends and family, even people who don't really know me but are friends with me on Facebook.  My target started off like everyone else at £400, this a few weeks ago when i really kicked my fundraising into gear,  I paid for the full skydive myself and the camera man, so every penny i raise if going to the charity.  At the moment my total is sitting at £1182!! Would love to make it to £1200. xx

My justgiving site is still running and if you would like to sponsor me you can online or via text.  Simply Text Joey84 followed by £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 to 70070 or by clicking the following link for my online justgiving page.  "Joey's Skydive Justgiving Page"

So here for the big finish of my skydive blog!! For you to all watch my video!!! Argh!!! xxxxxxxx
I've had to upload it to you tube so u can watch it!

Hope you enjoyed the video, if you couldn't view it, i will be putting link on my facebook!!

Thank you every one who sponsored me and supported me!! I love you all!! :)


Saturday, 12 May 2012

I wish you knew me now! :) x

I've watched a couple of films today, all with there happy endings all with tears streaming down my face wishing I still had mine.  I thought i had it all, i really believed i had all i ever wanted, so why the hell did i stop fighting for it and wanting it.  If you read my blog and u can take one think from me and my life at the moment then please never stop showing the person you love how much you love them.  I did and that's why i'm in this mess, my heart is all over the place, my head doesn't know what to think anymore and my eyes are sick of water running out of them.

From my facebook it's looks like i'm having the time of my life, i am having a great time, i have some amazing friends and i love spending time with them, these days i hate to stay in, i want to be out all the time.  It's nothing to do with living at home with my parents, because they are brilliant with me, don't ask for much just want to know if i'm home for tea or not.  Just things have changed and i'm different, not because i'm on my own now but because i actually feel well enough to do these things.  

I can't believe the difference in me and how i feel with my naughty little lungs.  The last two years from Jan 2010 to Jan 2012 i had 17 iv courses, i only felt well for about week and half post iv's before i'd start on my decline back to needing the iv's again, sometimes only lasting a crappy three weeks.  I did nearly all those iv courses at home and it took alot out of me and put a huge strain on my relationship with my husband, he stopped being my husband the person i loved and wanted to do anything with, he became the person i relied on to care for me.  I never wanted that and i don't think he was ready for it, so our spark just fizzled out.  I wasn't the person he married, it's no wonder we went so wrong.  

We stopped making time for each other and even wanting to spend time together, his freedom was his friday nights with mates and weekends on his bike.  I would never say no, please don't go out, can you spend some time with me, because i knew he worked all week so hard for us to have our house and life together that his weekends were his time and that it was his escape.  Problem was i stopped being a factor in his time, he stopped wanting to spend time with me and i was feeling too sorry for myself to bother, if either of us had any space money we wouldnt spend it on each other, i'd by clothes to cheer me up and the bike would get all his money. I never liked his motorbike, it's no lie, i was always so petrified of something happening to him on it that i didn't want to know anything about his trips to wales or that he got his knee down on the roundabouts.  But i guess that wouldn't of mattered, i should of tried harder, because i lost him anyway.  His bike still gets to spend time with him and i don't.

I don't regret my life with Steve not for one second and even if i knew what i know now 6 years ago, i would still of married him but i would of made more of an effort to stop this happening to us.  We were so happy and i look back and miss how happy we were.  I knew for along time things weren't right, but i didn't know how to fix it.  I guess i always believed he'd always love me and that would be enough, now i know loving someone isn't enough, because without all the other stuff love just really isn't enough. All i had in my life was CF, it was taking over me and becoming everything, i didn't have anything to talk to him about and he stopped wanting to hear it, he wasn't interested in my life, n we just used to sit there not walking, he kinda decided if he wasn't interested in me, i wasn't in him and i stopped asking how his day was, how work was, i don't think he could be arsed to tell me even if i had of asked.  My life at home with him was sat on sofa, same place everyday, tv on, laptop on, facebook.  Telling anyone else who'd listen about my life, we'd watch tv together, but we'd never talk about what was on, only thing we'd really chat about was little Soph.  

Writing about it makes it sound so sad, we really did waste an amazing relationship and i feel like i've lost my best friend.  Now i wanna tell him everything, i want to do everything with him, i wanna be the wife i should of been.  But i don't know how to, he ended things and i know he spent along time thinking about how we were just friends living together and he just didn't love me the same.  Honestly i didn't love him same either, i walked away knowing we were over and all the reasons why, i didn't fight for him because i didn't see the point.  He the kinda person who makes his mind up about something n sticks to it, me i'm an emotional little mess that would cry alot and not really do anything to make changes.  That's what i'm doing now, i can't sit still because i think, if i think i cry and i want to do something about it but i don't know what to do, too scared of being rejected i guess.  I honesty don't believe we'll ever get back together because i know the man i married.  I feel like he gave up on me and didn't give me a chance and now it's all over.  

Somedays, weeks i cope quite well, those are days i keep myself so busy i don't have time to think.  Those are the days i'm happy, the days you wouldn't know how much i'm hurting inside, those are the days i'm coping well.  So its a good job i'm feeling so much better i work that little bit harder to look after myself and having just gone 11 weeks off ivs i'm so pleased with how my health is doing, i've checked back in to Wythenshawe last night for a week or so, to have ivs started and to sort out my sugars and feeds, got to have a synactin test, to see if my body actually still makes any steroid.  

It's my skydive two weeks on 26th May, that's why i'm having ivs, to make sure my lungs r best they can be for when i jump out of a plane!! eeeekkkk!! It's come around so fast!! xx I'm still collecting sponsorship on my justgiving site, so if you can please sponsor me, every little helps!! :) xxx I can't wait to blog about it and tell you all about it, i just hope i'll be able to put the experience into words.

Sitting here, i'm bored out my brains, tired n having little naps, i don't feel ill, but first few days of drugs always knock ya about abit.  Weekend TV is so awful, i can't wait for monday's day time to come back. They letting me have ward leave tomorrow to go Alton Towers with my Monsoon Girlies, i can't wait! xx

Monday, 7 May 2012

When Joey met Sophie!! :) xx

I've always been a huge believer in the fact the people you meet online can play a huge part of your life and really become true friends! With Sophie this was definately true!

I met online through Facebook, i'm not sure how we started chatting, but the world of Facebook n Cystic Fibrosis is very different when it comes to adding people, you tend to check out the mutual friends realise they prob have CF and add them.

I can't write about my friendship with Sophie without mentioning one special lady too us both.  4 years ago, there was 3 of us, we used to chat everyday, run messages to try encourage each other to eat, rant about the world of CF and generally have such a laugh! None of us had ever met, I talked to Anna on the phone a couple of times, one day she rang my house phone and scared me, she sounded like darth vadar! ha ha xx Anna loved wagon wheels, rice pudding n chatting online.  She touched so many people lives and everyone misses the chats we had with her.  Sadly in Nov 09 Anna passed away after what i can only describe as the most traumatic 18 months i've ever known anyone with CF have. My did she battle on though, she fought through everything, but unfortunately a transplant wasn't an option for her and her lungs eventually gave in, but never did Anna, she was such a beautiful person and few weeks before she passed after one of normal three way random conversations Anna decided we were like the three musketeers! However that day she couldn't find a photo of Musketeers instead she found Mermaids, which i always thought fitted us perfectly, mermaids must have amazing lungs to swim around under water all the time! This is the photo she did of the three of us.  It's still Anna's profile photo now and I love that.
After Anna passed away, me n Soph became really close and over the last 2 years Soph has become a real rock to me, helping me through things! Soph hasn't had it easy in fact last year she put on transplant list and deteriorated so fast her mum was told there wasn't much more they could do for her, her mum wasn't having that and had her transferred to Harefield Transplant Centre, they put her on Ecmo and used a Novalung to oxygen her blood and kept her alive till her 3rd n lucky call, which came on 20th August.  At the time i got the text from Soph mum i was sat in hairdressers in Turkey on my own with no one around me too tell.  Soph's mum had been updating me everyday whilst i'd been in turkey.  There was something about that day i woke up with a feeling, we were 2 hours ahead in Turkey and at about 11 i said to Steve n Sarah that i had a feeling Sophie was getting new lungs today, n then a few hours later i got text to say soph had gone to theatre.  I was on pins all day, till i knew she was out of theatre, we were flying home that evening and i didn't want to get on that plane till i knew she was out of theatre and everything was going ok so far.  I got a text bout 20 mins before i got on plane and was so relieved.

One of the things Soph had written on her to do list for after a transplant was "Meet Joey".  I decided at beginning of April i was gonna make that wish come true.  So i arranged to go down to stay with Soph on Thurs 3rd May and stay till Sunday.  I was little nervous about staying so long, what if in real life we didn't get on, or annoyed each other, but we had the weekend planned.  A trip to Whipsnade Zoo to see Savannah the Giraffe who Soph had adopted for me as a Christmas present.

I was so excited, Soph too, we were both counting down the days, hours.  Soph was working till 6 so i planned to drive and arrive around same time she'd get home.  My plan went slightly wrong, just 40 mins away from her house, i got stuck in traffic which extendedmy journey from 3.15 hours to 5 n half.  I arrived around half 8.  I know it's not like Soph is a stranger to me, we text, we facebook etc but i was a little nervous, but how normal it was, i walked in we had a big hug, sat down and chatted n chatted n chatted.  Just like we had known each other for ever and just like always been part of each others lives. Soph's mum Pam made me feel so welcome and even gave up her bed for me, as we had decided not to stay in same room.  Thank you Soph's mum for letting me stay and for everything xx :) xxxxx

Me n Soph had a great day at the Zoo, it was a kinda safari park really, u drove round most of it, but could get out the car everywhere to look at animals.  Savannah n rest of the Giraffes were inside n the most difficult to take photos of.  They were definately the biggest giraffes i've seen, i recon i was size of one of there tails to be honest x lol.

Friday night we went for a trip to the O2 for tea at Frankie and Bennies, we both were nakered after day at the Zoo so hope for pjs and tv was great idea afterwards.  Saturday was big day the FA Cup final.  We went to Bluewater shopping centre in the morning, we both bought new shoes, n i got a skirt i'd been after in stoke but they didn't have a tiny little 6.  I could of bought loads and spent hours there but we both were hungry and wanted a McDonalds so we left, got food and went round to Sophie's dad to eat and see Sophie's aunties who had come down for weekend too.  We had a good laugh then went home to get changed.  I like dressing up, so even though i'm pure Stoke born n bread, please don't doubt my loyality, i wore Soph's other Chelsea shirt and we went to the pub with her dad to watch the big game!

 Luckily they won, we had a couple of drinks, Soph's dad was a little drunk and it was rather funny for me to watch although sure Soph was quite embarrassed.  lol.  Soph's dad David and his two sisters all sponsored me £5 each for my skydive which was so kind of them, would like to thank them again.

Sunday morning i came home, sadly!! I had such a lovely time and can't wait to come back for Soph's one year celebrating her new lungs party in August.  Hopefully we're going to go to Basingstoke at end of July too and meet Kate and go to Anna's hill where Anna's ashes are scattered and we can let of lovely balloons for her.

Thank you Soph for letting me come stay with you, i had such a lovely time.  I treasure our friendship and know how lucky we are that we get on so amazing and that we were able to meet.  I'm sure Anna was with us all weekend too.

Love you lots xxxx :) xxx