Monday, 27 August 2012

Our Princess...... Natalie Buckley.... Miss You

Natalie - Words can't do you justice, but this is my little tribute to you, 5years after you left us.

I've been trying to find the words today to say how much i miss you, but those words just don't even justify what its really like.  You were and still are how i like to describe as our CF Princess.  People say i'm cute and tiny but that's how i saw you, so cute and fragile i sometimes felt like if i were to hug you too hard i made break you.  You were the heart and soul of every gathering, the girl that everyone was amazed by and truely blessed to know.  (Trying to write this without crying).  Your beautiful blonde hair which was always so perfect, your eyes that dazzled the world and showed you had so much love to give, so much you want to share out with your friends and family and that's why we all loved you so bloody much.

The day you left our world, free from pain and able to breathe was such a tragedy, no one ever expected you to go anywhere, least of all me, i know your fought to be here to the very last breathe and not for one second did you ever want to go.  I really hope your safe and well and that u are having a bloody amazing time with ur family and all our CF friends, i hope you don't get told off up there for cross infecting each other.  One day i know i'll be with you and you'll keep me safe and we'll be to party like we did here, inject vodka in our tummy tubes n get so drunk till we fall about laughing, cough n probably let out a little dribble of wee.  ha ha!! 

I'll never forget the night we made you laugh so much you actually did wet yourself and the bed!! ha ha xx

You know there was never anything bad anyone could ever say about you, n thats the truth, it's not what they'll say about me, but u were such an amazing friend i was so lucky to have you.  Life with you was just simple, easy you knew me and how i felt and it was just a natural friendship.  

I remember when i had just got with Steve and i got booted out the big fancy room so you could have it, i was not happy but then when you rang me and they said u might have that horrible bug that meant i could never see you again i broke down, luckily you didn't and we were soon back to causing trouble on the hospital wards.  I loved been in hospital with you, everyday a mini little drama of our troublesome CF lives but everyday a little adventure of the mischief we could get up to, the notes we would send round between in each other in nurses n physio's pockets, the texts we would send when we had little visitors to our rooms and we were up to know good and needed to cover for each other!! Yes u know what i'm talking about Miss Buckley, although i'm def sure i spent more time covering for u, u were a naughty little one!! hee hee! Hey u been gone 5 years now its time to let the little secret out (i can here u screaming at me for that one now as i'm typing). But hey we had fun and we never let been in hospital ruin our fun.  

Its 9.30pm and this day is almost over for another year, its not like i don't think of you all time, but this bank hol like every year before i relive every second of what happened.  I know everyone else does too, u left a huge whole in everyone hearts that now only filled with memories and sadness that your not here to make more with.  

I wanted to write this last night but i wasn't in the right head space, i was tired after that shopping spree tribute day i had with gem and steph for you.  I miss how you shopped in the kids section with me! Now its just me running round in the aged 11/12 clothes from new look, kids of got way more fashionable these days u would of loved it and i'm sure you would of loved my discount at accessorize too.  

I bet ur pretty busy up in heaven u have so many people to be a guardian angel of, but feel free to come see me, make a noise, knock something off, not anything i have to clean up though, u know i hate cleaning, but i know sometimes i think of you and you make me feel strong, i wish i had you too talk to, i know you probably would of done me a favour and told that silly husband of mine how stupid he been loosing me, he probably would of been quite scared of you (ha ha) xx So cute n tiny but boy you were fiesty, i loved everything about you, u were true, honest and definately spoke your mind.  If i can be anything like you as a friend to people i would be so proud.  (bloody crying now you softy). 

So i guess it's time to put on the song i been hoping to avoid all day.  Christ the song kills me, i hate the fact your not here, 5 years on the days get easier, the pain hurts a little less but i still miss you.  

Stay safe sweetie, breathe easy every moment of everyday and none of us will ever forget that you were apart of our world.  

I love you so much!! :) xxx 

Until we meet again, n u had better be there waiting for me, although its gonna be a bloody long wait, cuz i fight for the both of us now! 

All my love forever....... Sleep tight!! xxx

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